This is such a sly coming out, so tender, the way my watery parts are. This is the first time in a long while I've posted my own written ramblings and spoken broken binary code truths.
But really, I am just myself.
There is this impulse to label oneself so that society may read you and feel safe or threatened or whatever intricacies the label may invoke.
I’m just myself, just! And infinity and beyond!
I am dear and darling human, and I am bald and imblanaced and laugh and make art, I am all the favorite things about us humans.
I also have socially transitioned from one gender to another, according to the binary.
For me, I have always been queer, have never been one gender, and now look to explore the places where they conditioned me not to go. I am now exploring the ways that I have felt and not expressed.
I am learning my foundation, which feels stunted. I am re-learning myself.
And I have to go through a second puberty to boot.
I’m transgender, but really
I am a slight mutation, and now I have to place a word above and over my mutation.
But I am do-doing, being myself one day at a time.
The hardest part is social transitioning. Being patient with others when you feel so damn incredibly uncomfortable. When you want to hide because you feel like a freak, like the phantom of the opera and all male bodies as the knights in shining armor.
Social transition involves time passing, patience, asking people to call you by your new name/pronouns, talking others through it, awaiting their responses with courageous stoicism, and a lot of time passing and patience.
It involves a level of almost unreal, insane perseverance. Its when you know of no other option do you transition. When you realize transitioning is the key to every door of struggle and the light to all the dark places within yourself. When you realize you have been escaping your gender your whole life and you need to take a breath and land. Then do you consider a change. It is a change at the roots of your tree.