Courage. Projection. Little worlds walking around to make a unified functioning force. Without all of our composite perceptions...what would be? I realize the value of my perception but am also deeply moved by every other perception I see, shining off like flashlights from bodies. The auras, the orbs around me, so brilliant. Even if my wide vibration finds itself dissonant with another's energy, I still see brilliance in their very ability to transmit. Their existence is brilliance.
I feel fear when my energy is intensely congruent with another's. When I seem to have known this person long ago, in an intimate garden of a now-stilled ripple of time. When eyes kiss and I have trouble distinguishing whose soul is behind which set of windows. That terrifies me. More so than any hatred or evil I've ever known.
I thought for a long time I was insane due to my perception. I thought for a long time that I could not be understood by any other perception. (I only vaguely understood my own.) And I, to this day, keep it trapped in the caverns of my being. And yet I am giving it light, slowly. I am trying not to blind it while I begin to show it to the world.
My perception is one of holiness and pink rose petals.
I see as I see.
I sometimes sea.
A graceful lake like a mother.
Or a thunderous monsoon, wrathful.
I see energy movement.
Sometimes, I do not see people.
I see giant swaths of color moving around.
I see noises and thoughts.
Richter scale implosions.
Or quiet loving inner sighs.
Sometimes I cannot distinguish.
A tree from a person.
Sometimes a tree is louder.
I see that.
Humans can kill their own color.
Mute their sound.
A tree is too wise.
They readily absorb wisdom.
In their Surrender.
Perhaps humans are too afraid.
To be wise?
Why?
I still seek.
I sea, softly.
For I know.
An answer always begins with something.
A question.
Unraveling, my mind is. I see a long spyrillic (the adjective form of "spiral") sky-way, of my past lives and my future lives. It is overwhelming but it adds depth to my existence Now. I realize that the rabid whispers of my ego and the games people play with each other are not too important. The totality of one's self-conception is just a house that one keeps destroying and repairing. There is more to this existence than house maintenance. There are many houses, of yours and of others. The meaning and fulfillment that I now search for goes beyond the house... goes beyond our ego and our acceptance of the "house it has built", aka. the conception of our self. All the thoughts we consistently think and rethink to reinforce our base structure and beyond....well I know there is more to life than that. There are secrets, existing right between my eyes, that I desire to understand.
I have lived many lives before this one, Now, where I am called by such and such names and have such and such self-conceptions. And I believe I am alive now to expose and understand universal truths and enrich the experience of existence. And, as I so often have to remind myself, I am not the only one.
I am not "insane". The concept of sanity is entirely subjective and entirely infinite; rightly so, as it is in accord with universal order. Only the rigidity of socialized thought creates dissonance within an individual: when they ask themselves,
Am I sane?
And truly, if your flashlight aura flashes even a little bit, you have asked yourself that question at least once. (For me, the written amount could fill a library.)
Only in accepting the plurality and infinite capacity of perception can one surrender to their "looking glass", and lovingly accept their perception as what they have now. Then, questions of one's sanity dissipate. And the beautiful aria of a weeping willow surrender can fill the ears and brain. And you can begin to love your perception, your holy rose petaled lenses, and search even further.
At least, that's how I see it.
"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses
who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave."
~Rainer Maria Rilke
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