There is a code to this existence within me and without me.
The past couple sun ups moon downs...my heart has soared and plummeted. And my brain has discovered pain as it tries to craft moments from emotions.
Time and space as a conception-of-the-socialized-human is limiting. I feel that. I feel that time and space are not static measures with which we can then place ourselves in... to a safe little box, dimensionalized and institutionalized. It's not that easy. It's easier.
I am still toying with my theory for existence (and am enjoying this toying). But what I have insofar embraced is the notion of constant motion
constant change.
How can change be constant? Is it not therefore static? Aha, paradoxes! I love them because they appear to contradict, just like me. (And you).
I do feel constant revolutions happening in every plucked-up, frozen sense-image (def: the creation of my perception through the senses of the physical, emotional, spiritual). I feel change even in the greatness stillness...wow, especially in the greatness stillness!
And it is not always cool calm and collected
for a piscean dreamer like me, A poet so sorrowful in her bliss.
I feel revolutions happening within revolutions within revolutions
and evolutions and devolutions all over...not just in my own compacted relentless river.
And the change can sometimes and always come as a harrowing hurricane
infused into a waterfall
lashing upon the straining barrel of mine ego.
This dimensionalized time we call a "week" has been more of a trip for me. A watery abyss I've whirled up and then interchangeably dived and drowned in.
The element of water in most esoteric knowledge pools and world cultural traditions pertains to the emotions.
I've recently been dreaming many things watery. I've been building up emotions for these very moment of the late Now, the Now, and the near future Now.
I have been bringing forth from my darkest underwater caves some certain muddied waters.
I have been forced to look at the emotions I desire most to dream away into oblivion.
But again...it isn't just time * space.
So here I go, back to both vivid and vague memories of past lovers, friends, events.
And does it hurt. It's like giving birth I suppose, although I haven't done that in quite awhile.
Because it has much less to do with them as it does with My
bound up wound up core of writhing snakes I call my orb, my aura, my energy.
I feel the pain in my proximal energy allocation... I feel it because it has been mine from the beginning, from the very first time I felt what I would later call by a four letter word, or by one of twelve letters: excruciating.
And your pain has been yours. And I can never feel it. [I can feel my pain as you feel yours. We can feel pain together. But as of now that's my belief on sensation. They are localized to the individual.]
Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
. . .It's so interesting how the I find myself in deep conversation with the Universe. . .
pretty much ever since my slowly rebirth into WakeState (I could talk lengthily about this but I'll simply [aha] equate it to my rebirth into consciousness).And its so interesting how the Universe places
people and events before your eyes to Wake You Up Further.
To get you into equilibrium with all that is within you and without you. To get you back into constant change.
See, we as humans hold on to certain thoughts, when, really, our thoughts must always be in a revolutionary motion.
Oh, my mental chains. Your mental chains. Self-defeating thoughts. They alienate us from our True Self and alienate us from Other True Selves too.
I feel the mental chains like bloody fingers climbing a mountain of burning ice; I do not stop climbing, but I am hurt in a lazily insidious manner.
And I am fervent. I am an angry little peregrine falcon or a disgruntled (yet still joyful) bird that hums. I wish to release myself, I wish to be free.
Although the pain is hard...the path to unlocking the static belief-prisons within you is not as hard as one might think...
the Universe shows the way. It does so and it is absolutely downright hilarious. And I mean that in all seriousness.
IF you are looking for freedom, the Universe shows the Way. (And sometimes, if you are karmically endowed, even when you are Not looking).
I have examples right now in the dimensionalized existence of Now called "this week" , where the existence around me, the Universe as I call it, has been HILARIOUSLY upfront with me.
[I should state that for this flow of thoughts to make sense one has to disregard the possibility of coincidence within one's existence.]
See, I am very good at creating for myself severe disillusionment. Even in a most notorious mental stupor can I wrap myself up in infinitesimal reptilian thought-codes that leave me unable to move, or incapable of stopping (to breathe). Yeah.
But the Universe can place people and events in my life so that I HAVE TO STOP THINKING and merely
do.
See, my ego could convince me to stay unhappily up in the static prison of my brain, for a lovely eternity. For even if I am unhappy at least I am saved from the pain of a downtrodden ego. Note sarcasm.
But the Universe does not function in the static behavior of permanent-made thought reptiles.
It, as I mentioned, likes to work in Change. Constant change. [So, in a strange way that hurts my head to think about, it IS Static. Static in constant change. Woowee. I'mma leave that parodillic path alone for now.] The Universe is You. And it Will Change, and It Will Change You.
So here we go. I find myself crying before I type this. Because I meet someone I am attracted to and the pain of all lovers past and present hits me like several layers of several pains from different trains on multidimensional tracks.
I feel blindsided... I find myself in a philosophy class wanting to rip myself out of my seat, hunt the innocent being down, and kiss her and obliterate her at the same time.
Quite the mind-fuck. But I know I am not alone in this experience. I've scrutinized enough to intuit that.
And upon the confession of a bird that yearns to fly free, I find the small beginnings of a grand liberation in a typed and mostly unread confession.
I am so excited to loosen and then burn
with fiery wings
the ropes I've strung with my mind
over space and time.
And I am beyond-words
thankful
for the Universe as my (sassy and hilarious)guide.
It is no great wonder that I have always loved the symbol of the Phoenix.
Oh does it burn so good.
Goodnight, I'm exhausted from the fires of life.
See you in the morning.
LOVE
M .A. R
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