tRANS Understanding

Video: Understanding ONEself as Trans

Thank you Emery for being awesome,

Love,

Mar

In memorium of Leslie Feinberg

 Feinberg’s writing and lived example

taught me that my masculine leanings

weren’t things I should hide or be

ashamed of, that gender wasn’t

something I was, but something I could

choose to do, however I wanted.

http://www.autostraddle.com/how-leslie-feinberg-changed-our-lives-the-autostraddle-roundtable-266486/

Writings A'Neux

This is such a sly coming out, so tender, the way my watery parts are. This is the first time in a long while I've posted my own written ramblings and spoken broken binary code truths. 

I’m transgender.

But really, I am just myself.

There is this impulse to label oneself so that society may read you and feel safe or threatened or whatever intricacies the label may invoke.

I’m just myself, just! And infinity and beyond!

I am dear and darling human, and I am bald and imblanaced and laugh and make art, I am all the favorite things about us humans.

I also have socially transitioned from one gender to another, according to the binary.

For me, I have always been queer, have never been one gender, and now look to explore the places where they conditioned me not to go. I am now exploring the ways that I have felt and not expressed.

 I am learning my foundation, which feels stunted. I am re-learning myself.

And I have to go through a second puberty to boot.

I’m transgender, but really

I’m pangender.

I am a slight mutation, and now I have to place a word above and over my mutation.

But I am do-doing, being myself one day at a time.

The hardest part is social transitioning. Being patient with others when you feel so damn incredibly uncomfortable. When you want to hide because you feel like a freak, like the phantom of the opera and all male bodies as the knights in shining armor.

Social transition involves time passing, patience, asking people to call you by your new name/pronouns, talking others through it, awaiting their responses with courageous stoicism, and a lot of time passing and patience.

It involves a level of almost unreal, insane perseverance. Its when you know of no other option do you transition. When you realize transitioning is the key to every door of struggle and the light to all the dark places within yourself. When you realize you have been escaping your gender your whole life and you need to take a breath and land. Then do you consider a change. It is a change at the roots of your tree.

Transmasculine: a definition

Transmasculine is a term used to describe those who were assigned female at birth, but identify as more male than female. Transmasculine is often used as a catch-all term for all people assigned female at birth who identify as masculine of center, including trans men, but the adoption of the term as an identity is a matter of personal preference. 

Those who identify as transmasculine, as opposed to simply as FTM or a man, trans or otherwise, often place themselves masculine of center- that is, they identify more closely with maleness than femaleness, and generally desire a physical appearance that reflects this identification, but do not identify as wholly male or as a man. 

This identity is similar to that of a demiguy in that demiguys often identify with maleness or masculinity, but only partially. It should be noted that transmasculine is not a descriptor of gender expression but of identity. Transmasculine people do not necessarily have to be stereotypically masculine in their interests or even presentation.

quad self?

Queer Squared, Circular-ish

I'm a male-based genderqueer.

"It's like my gender fluidity is some kind of "travel" I go through in a motion, but it always starts and ends with male. "

--learning--

We use “FTM” as shorthand for a spectrum that includes not just transsexuals, but anyone
who was assigned “female” at birth and who identifies as male, masculine, or a man some or all of the time. Some non-transsexuals in the FTM spectrum (androgynous people, butches, drag kings, bi-gender and multi-gender people, etc.) may also want hormone therapy, and

may not identify or live as men. For this reason we use the term FTM instead of “trans men”.

I like This, These, Theez

• dsab = designated sex at birth
• a man can be femme if he damn well wants, regardless of his dsab
• a woman can be butch if she damn well wants, regardless of her dsab
• nonbinary folks can be as butch or femme as they damn well want, regardless of their dsab

Any person can:

• be butch
• be femme
• be androgynous
• genderfuck
• participate in drag
• present in ways that are deemed “acceptable” for their gender by cissexist fucks
• present in ways that are deemed “unacceptable” for their gender by cissexist fucks
• define the words that are appropriate for their own body (some clits are six inches long, some cocks are just a couple centimeters long if that - deal with it)
• change any part of their own body however the fuck they want as often as they want (minus culturally appropriative shit or outright oppressive shit - appropriative body mods and racist tattoos aren’t okay no matter who you are)
• have whatever fucking gender(s) they want (or no gender at all)
• define their gender and presentation in whatever way they want
• consensually fuck people with whatever gender(s) they want as long (or not fuck anyone at all)
• define their sexuality (or lack thereof) however the fuck they want, even if there are occasionally or frequently exceptions to their identified preference
• have an identity that is as fluid or static as they like
• disclose or withhold their gender or sexual identity and history as they see fit
• disclose or withhold information about their body and its history as they see fit as long (as long as withholding that information isn’t a direct physical harm to others)
• decide for themselves whether or not their gender and sexuality is inherent or “born that way”
• do any or all of these things at any time, for any reason, regardless of dsab

Why is this so fucking hard? I’m done with binarist, homophobic Trans 101 bullshit that completely misses the mark and just reinforces cissexism.

Fuck your identity policing, fuck your binaries, fuck your bullshit anatomy diagrams trying to tell me the cis-correct words for my own fucking body.

I define my own reality. I define my own body. I define my own identity. Fuck any motherfucker who tries getting in my way of that ever again.