Friday, May 30, 2014

A Butch Comes Out to Them-self

"As a butch person, I battle my actual desires,
and the desires I feel imposed on me as a result of social expectations."

There are words for it, although none of them add up to the actual sensation of it when you know it’s burning in your pulse: Swagger.
Although we’ve now reduced that to “swag.”
It’s that tie-straightening and sunglass removal feeling. It feels distinctly masculine, because men can navigate whatever space they want and feel entitled to it.

Entitlement breeds confidence, and confidence breeds swagger.
I like the feeling of being attracted to all those beautiful girls on the street, but I know that the structure of our society assigns power to those who objectify the bodies of feminine beings, and then I’m not sure what feeling it is I enjoy.




Thursday, May 22, 2014

Integral Human Design: some notes

 Notes for a certain Sleeping Phoenix:

3 / 5 The way of Rebellion - Flexibility based on Adaptness / Realistic Attainment based on Clarity

55 / 39 Romance - Use of obstruction as opportunity for the release of emotional abundance;
                              in the stream of: Creativity

For humanity, the ESSENCE of Emotion supports us in feeling and developing serenity, empathy and compassion.
In your case, the field of Emotion is clearly defined by at least one of your specializations. You experience yourself and others through the filter of your specific emotional awareness, and you have a particular way of moving through your emotions.
Your STRENGTH here lies in the depth and breadth of your own emotional landscape, which enables you to experience and understand
(over a period of time) your own multi-faceted emotional nature, as well as the deep complexities of other beings and things.
With regard to Emotion, your LEARNING CHALLENGE is to responsibly deal with the fullness, intensity and depth of your own emotional life. One of your greatest life lessons is to accept the fact that it takes time for emotional turbulence to subside, and for a clear, unobstructed view to return.
STRESS FACTORS: i.e. being pressured to make a decision, a lack of space/time/contact for processing emotions, an accumulation of emotional triggers. 
POSSIBLE STRESS SYMPTOMS: decision-making paralysis, incessant emotional turbulence, excessive perspiration, emotional overcharge -- potentially showing up in the form of helplessness, violence, aggression, and/or a need for over-justification.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Aristocracy of the Solar Plexus

" 'All that has dark sounds has duende.’

And there’s no deeper truth than that."

          Those dark sounds are the mystery, the roots that cling to the mire that we all know, that we all ignore, but from which comes the very substance of art. 

‘Dark sounds’ said the man of the Spanish people, agreeing with Goethe, who in speaking of Paganini hit on a definition of the duende: ‘A mysterious force that everyone feels and no philosopher has explained.’

  So, then, the duende is a force not a labour, a struggle not a thought.

 I heard an old maestro of the guitar say: ‘The duende is not in the throat: the duende surges up, inside, from the soles of the feet.’ Meaning, it’s not a question of skill, but of a style that is truly alive: meaning, it’s in the veins: meaning, it belongs to the most ancient culture of immediate creation.

Angel and Muse come from outside us: the angel brings light, the Muse form (Hesiod learnt from her). Golden bread or fold of tunic, it is her norm that the poet receives in his laurel grove… while the duende has to be roused from the furthest habitations of the blood.

Reject the angel.  Give the Muse a kick and conquer his awe of the scent of violets that eighteenth century poetry breathes out, and of the great telescope in whose lenses the Muse, made ill by limitation, sleeps.

The true struggle is with the duende.