Friday, May 15, 2015

The 48th Hexagram: The Well

The Well, Becoming Pure:

Like the well, human nature is the same around the world. The passage of time cannot add to its essential dimensions, nor take anything away. Still, just as a well can be deepened to produce clearer, cleaner water, so can we enrich our lives by delving deeply into our essential natures to reach the source of true nourishment.

Beware of shallow thinking; like a little learning, it can be dangerous. The image of the well suggests that going deeper within produces clarity. Be patient, and penetrate both your problems and your own nature to the core. Self-development is key to reaching the deep, clear waters. If you do not lower your bucket to the depths, you’re likely to come up empty.

When greater depth is desired, a lessening of speed is often required.

For me, Marval Rex, that is what I call myself, or a mixture of myself and the other, always... For me, the Well comes at a time where I am ready to be myself. Be true design. I have not a defined Gi or Self energy, but what I mean is to be authentic to my design and to swallowing and illuminating my shadow energies so that they may become Gifts and Siddhis. To being Clear. Thanks Ron Hubbard. 

I want to be good, for myself now. Not so that I may evade punishment, as has been the case before. I wanted to be good for others, for external rewards. Now, through trial and error I have reached awareness that this is not working for me, that I am destined for clarity and Greatness within clarity. 
For myself I wish to be clear waters, good clear waters. No lying or stealing or murky waters where I get lost or disillusioned. I recognize that from within me comes great disillusionment, because it is a lack of awareness of my romantic disposition, my romantic and thought-must-become-deeds design.

My brain can no longer run this holy vessel. It is like a toddler with a loaded gun. Dangerous and powerful, volatile too. My design is so sexy and so powerful, 5th line to boot, and I must ground myself inside my body-- where all of the wisdom sits, waiting. 

I am waiting. I am so magical and good and pure in this waiting state. A sexy sleek car parked in a driveway, I am waiting. Waiting to respond, to turn on, and to wait even when I'm all on and ready to go. To wait even when I am ready to go. To wait even when I am ready. To wait even when. To wait. 

The brain reads off, cackles away the list of fears from the pressures of my open centers. I believe them so often I often feel false for spreading the teachings of human design. Such hypocrisy. But, compassion swoops in from where? My body. My body is compassionate. My vessel says, wait, hold on now, just wait and feel it all out. Ring yourself out to ride the sine wave again dear sweet fool. Powerful innocent fool; heretical martyr. 

So now, when the brain speaks, I am learning to STOP. Stop and breathe through the anxiety that wants to create the compulsion to "thought become deed" its way into a corner where I feel trapped and guilty for listening to the fear. If you blindly follow your fear it will always slither you right into a corner and bait you there. Frustration: the marker of my want to change. 
We get stuck to feel frustration, isolation, depression, isolation again to become unstuck. 
We get stuck to become unstuck. 

I stole and lied to become honest and truthful. 
And I still strive to never be complacent and obedient. 
I will, however, be honest and truthful for myself first, for clarity and respect. 

And then others can drink from my well.
And I will be nourished from within. And from without.

Thank you i Ching, human design, and those who listen. 


Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I am That Is


i am that iS

I am trans. I am not. Human bean. All the beans.
Penis is yoni is penis is yoni, is all the same. It's all the same. Different manifestation of SAME energy, same source.

And yet we believe in the disconnect so hard.

I am so shamed. and so relieved.

There are blocks in my head, they are getting to me.

Talking, taking it out is really helpful. Knowing I am not alone.

The pain takes time, the emotional wave takes YEARS to find resolution.

And the sixth line always becomes the first again, somewhere, always.

(sleepy people be like, "yo do this, yo do that, dont do that etc." but this is the emotional WAVE, this is what runs our species, this is what is in control)

all the "control" we have is awareness and the patience to become more aware. that is all the "control"

I am still so tight, in my right masculine hip. ridin the bike, ridin the dick, going hard.
Such a fag, I'm still trying though, still trying for truth and transparency


I am gonna learn how to do it once I do the skeleton work.
Gotta find my skeleton key that unlocks the depths of painful sea inside

I want to scroll and run away, indulge in sex, drugs, tv

But here I am, half e HALF t, HALF man half Me.

So tired.

I am so tired.

Of feeling suffocated by the blocks inside of me. The fear of my masculinity, of my response to femininity, my sexuality and just of fraternity.

I am so sad to leave the redwooded trees. It is saddening.

And yet there is nowhere to go but Up from here. I am downtrodden and its time. Im going Up.

Summer time has caught me up. Its the Summer of the Got Down Now to get Up. Of hello Blue Sunshine, of hello Marval Rex, you are who you are. It is more than respect, more than love, and maybe on the other side ill see you on the corner of

strange things
my imagination
might do