Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Pegasus: a Sexy Dolphin

Synthesis, to synthesize. What first must come is the analysis, the biting through, the breakage. I think of this song, Born Whole...
                     we born whole, we become half... drumming in her soul as she plucks out the lemongrass

It is this journey of emptying and then filling up again. Life. 
And with each renewed rush of translucent energy, there is this depth that consumes the trough. 
As dirty as one can get, there is always the wave of clean.
And clean to once again become dust.
Each home is the home of the other. 
This I know but often forget to see.

Branching out and touching the Other is vulnerability in its mutated allocated-energy form. 
And yet each vessel is born a whole tree, branched out beyond. And in the cycles of the sun and moon come the urge to remember how tall one already is. Infinitely tall. A shiny blue-green god. 

"We are Big, we are just scared to Be." a wise and distracted sage once told me. 

And so we grow into our bigness. We do. If it is in Hate or Love, we grow into our Bigness. Into our architecture, our skyscraping, our energy tendrils that leech into the skies above and below. 

I realize now I should perhaps not universalize here, that perhaps not everyone grows to be Big. But I hope for it, I martyr for it, because I see the awe-some potentiality of ALL geometry. Of all mutation mutatin' away like a drunken space cowboy. 

I see Bigness in everyone. 
What I mean to say is I sense infinity in everyone. 
I sense divine architecture. 

And as of recent I've been given words for what I've so long sensed, in this desert of my mind. I've found a mental oasis from which to drink voraciously, and where I may find rest until next flight. I've been gifted alchemy, the tonic that alights sprites in my mind and reverberates through my lungs and into the sun that shines in my stomach...the phoenix that sleeps in the closed eye of my navel. 

I've been given words.... "Waiting's Gonna Change My World."

And now I can begin the synthesis. For so long I've been disenchanted, in my thought-filled fantasies that did not align with my realities. I've loitered deep underground in the sewers of a mind that was not mine, where the smell of rotting excrement stained my every movement.

And now the phoenix is waking up, sucking up the dark bile to transform all in an alchemical orchestra. Synthesis. I am waking up. 

And in my sharing, the Other wakes up too. To their Bigness. Synthesis.

And the phoenix smiles as it twists clouds 'round high in the sky, to then retreat to hide. Always.
To be with the other, and then to be alone. Always. Waves a'crestin and crashing. Waves of flames.

I am waking up. To authenticity, and therefore to the depth of experience. It is luminously painful and blissfully hopefilled. It is to amaze and of perfection, of shadow and the form. It is the death of the bird and the glorious re-birth.  

It is big. It is love.

To the same sun and moon,
and to You
M .A. R



Monday, February 25, 2013

To Wait is to Know

Waiting . . . a most difficult state for many to achieve.  And yet, the most important state to achieve for many.

Some may speed ahead and progress for a while, making quick decisions through pressure or confusion – or make choices by default through lack of negotiating skill.

The value of waiting - whether it be for clarity in the emotional wave, the sacral to announce it's got energy to move in a particular direction, or for the door to be opened through invitation - is to allow decisions to be made without the minds mental framework imposing a direction based solely upon past experience, and in doing so to slowly, slowly move in one's correct trajectory to engage in the life one is designed to live.

And so – what is waiting?

Waiting is described in the dictionary as:
   –the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.

The thesaurus matches “waiting” with the following verbs:
  – stay (put), remain, rest, stop, halt, pause; linger, loiter, dally; informal-- stick around, hang out, hang around, kill time, waste time, kick one's heels, twiddle one's thumbs; archaic tarry.

To sum up these definitions, it seems clear that  waiting is a form of allowing: to wait is to allow. 

 Imagine the grace of allowing and surrendering, sitting patiently, content with just waiting and watching to see what happens next!

From the moment we begin to walk, talk and move about as infants, we become conditioned to play the social games of modern culture. From the get-go, we learn to compete, compare, fear God and to strive to be socially smart and academically acceptable as dictated by popular society’s expectations.  In this way, we are set up for failure from the beginning.
Comparing, competing and striving to become persons not in tune with our most innate and natural way of being contributes to a very confused society. 

Religion, culture and family traditions often keep us feeling trapped, making it more difficult to apply our natural Human Design strategy and authority.  To learn a new way of being in this world and to be more authentic, we need optimal support for our process of awakening to greater awareness and growing beyond the crystallized habits that defeat us.

Once we are on the path to greater authenticity, we may surprise others when we completely change the way we operate: from forcing ourselves to behave like a Manifestor  – to flowing more naturally in accordance with our true nature and design.

The practice of waiting is quiet and smooth. Waiting is being content in doing what one loves while in a state of waiting.

When truly focused on what we love doing in that moment – not striving to achieve any goal –the act of waiting will naturally take us to where we need to be. Even though others may not understand, persist in simply ‘waiting’ – for magic happens when one waits!
It is up to each of us to practice waiting, and to be true to our own unique process of finding our most natural way of being. Doing what we truly love will help us uncover the naturalness within.

Beyond the act of waiting is the body’s response to those events which are coming towards it. No matter what the Human Design type, the body will always have a reaction to the event or invitation being presented. The trick is to make the best decision when responding to an event or invitation – and to maintain a state of patient waiting for it to come.

To fine tune the mind-body communication, find a place to sit quietly to practice feeling and being aware of the body.  Then wait.  Soon, it may be noticed that it wants to get up and move. Where does the body want to go?  What does it want to do?  By listening and allowing the body to lead, welcomed surprises and fascinating outcomes are in store - which only gets better with practice.



m .a. r

\\.Sol Release.//

In all of my work, I always remind people that the moment they get beyond the characteristics of their design, the moment that they can wear the costume of their profile and fulfill their role, they will be taken by their mythology. And in that, everyone who has any contact with them will benefit. They themselves will get to appreciate the beauty of what it is to be here in form surrendered to our choicelessness.

.Trial and Error.
.Wait To Respond.

M /.A.\  R

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Wave; An Awesome Wave


Any emotional being moving through the spectrum with the same focus can grasp things at a profound level that may not be able to be articulated as a concept (yet). But that understanding is still powerful. They don't sense the spontaneity of a splenic hunch, which can also be gone in an instant.

It is a depth of feeling unlike any other quality that human beings can have. It is profound clarity.

The magic of clarity is the joke. Clarity is not the same as the truth and clarity can never be 100%. It can only be 99% clear. The magic of emotional awareness and the potential of spirit consciousness is to understand that there is a potential at any moment for the game to change entirely. With the emotional process you can't be 100% sure of anything since the wave is a moving energy.

When an emotionally defined person understands this and lives it, they are truly powerful, deep beings. The people with open solar plexus can partake in that depth if they also understand the emotional mechanic and where it is coming from.

"Knowing often has no way of expressing itself."

Off to the water temple. Hanging with Neptune slung upon my shoulder and the moon under my feet. Killing crabs with compassion and sling shottin' my way through divine doors locked and unreal. Underwater and unsung, the hero moves forward with their gentle ferocity of perseverance  




Awareness of a Heretique in dIS-GUISE

"This concept of the emotions as a forward moving motor is important. If you are not able to let go of the past due to some emotional block, the solar plexus motor can not do it's job correctly. Things get blocked and your system becomes toxic.

If a person, regardless of solar plexus definition, stores or remains focused on old anger, grief, shame, feelings of guilt etc. over a long time then the emotion does not move forward but rather inward (in-moting).
If they don't spit out, breathe out, defecate, pee, sweat, or release the negative emotions via tears then they do not allow the emotions to be moved forward in their process. This damages the organs involved and results in illness such as asthma, stomach ulcers, stones in the kidneys, gas in the guts and so on.

An emotionally defined person needs to process their own emotions correctly, by neither venting them too quickly or keeping them in too long.
A person with an undefined solar plexus needs to be aware of the emotions around them so that they don't get trapped in an emotional process that is not theirs.

Half the population on earth has a defined solar plexus and goes up and down in an emotional wave. The other half of the world, with their open solar plexus, simply amplify this wave because they don't understand the mechanics! And they are driven blindly by these forces. "

39-55 Gas and the Lungs. Correct breathing is essential. I oftentimes clench my body up, my stomach, my shoulders, when I sit. I feel the raw sacral power coursing through me, as well as the wave I consistently ride, and I fear the power and the awe-someness of it all; and I clench up. I realize the reaction to the Not-Self society that pervades like smog all around me. I escape it in Dream Love, my dreaming, my art. I escape it only for moments. And I realize it is not escape I must practice, but mutation. I am built for ambitious mutation, and I must live out who I am so that I can transform, in cooperation, the baffling dis-ease of this society.  

A wave, and awesome wave. Alt-J. Check out that song. (Bloodflood). 

FUCKING SYNCHRONICITY. I love my dispersed thought patterns and moods, like serpents writhing in lust over and under one another. It's amazing. Because the realizations I experience (astounding) can happen at any moment, from a transit or another's auric field. Its the ash settling into the earthly mother and bursting forth in a consolidated fiery-winged mass. And always, back to ashes. Back to serpents writhing. 

And all I do is wait. Patience. The breath. The breath. The breath. 

We are each here as holy vehicles. But we do not drive this brilliance. We are here to enjoy the ride, and be true. It is not passive, it is not active. It is more than. More than. More than words could ever explain. And I write over and over again because I contemplate, because I am perpetually astounded by this life experiential and I ambitiously work to synthesize my self, to integrate trueness. A Trueness that changes consistently. 

I am the passenger. I am the holy passenger of a wet-winged phoenix. 

Yes. LOVE. Yes. 

Suspension baby, its got me. 

R. .A. .M 


      The   EMOTIONAL  Wave(s)

19/49 NEED


30/36 DESIRE

The individual (55/22) passion is vastly different from need.

But passion is not about need. Passion is rubbing two sticks together and building a fire that’s so hot, it cracks the rocks underneath. Passion does not burn like an immediate fire like desire. Passion often starts very cool. This is a channel of emoting and putting the emotion out. The 39-55 is born theatrics like Marlon Brando. It is about getting the emotions out.

The wave of the individual is spike/lock. It is difficult to read the emotional quality of the individual. Almost all are operating in a lock state. The nature of where that lock is goes back to the very beginning of their process in this life. Individuals don’t really wave, they spike and when they spike, they lock.

If a 39-55 child has a traumatic experience when they are young they can end up with a locked frequency at a certain level and may stay slightly below or above this level that is considered a norm and it is very hard to read them.

The passion and its connection to the lock are at the very mystery of romantic love. The passion can build to such a point that one is locked into that passion. This is where you have the tradition of unrequited love. You spend a lifetime enthralled and adoring somebody you can never have and yet not feeling unfulfilled.

When you are dealing with individuality and mutation, there is a deep potential for depression. This is a deeply creative process leading up to the 12th gate. It is possible for individuals to be locked into deep spikes and never recover. There are many examples of creative beings who get locked into deep melancholies and depressions.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Pain and Pleasure and Then Beyond

Trust It is my experience that trusting my uniqueness has meant excavating the deep conditioning that tells me my safety is in being homogenized. We can only start from loving ourselves for being exactly where we are, and not for being where our idealized self image would like us to be. The experiment of making decisions as myself has given me the experience that my real safety is in being a passenger, but my mind is still full of a 7 centered inheritance that tells me otherwise. Like many people, I even started by trying to ‘think’ my way into living my design. It is all part of the deconditioning process to see how the mind has been trained to run the life. From this we all have this 7 centered conditioning that encouraged us from a very young age to structure a ‘persona’ with which to meet the world. It runs deep in our psyche to do that with our minds. When you observe the ‘not self’ without judgment, it’s illusory nature becomes evident and the true self comes into the foreground.


Loving the Not-Self 
 Meeting the presence of the not-self with compassion is a major part in the balancing act of finding the grounding of ‘true self’ and how that then allows for further excavation of the not-self. Deconditoning work is delicate, it takes time, it involves slowly but surely approaching the misguided not-self intention of the mind with love and acceptance. The not-self has it’s power only when it is hiding and to able to see it is to not be lost in being the not-self.

Loving the Self
is the natural outcome of living a 9 Centered life. The freedom of spirit is in the awareness of passenger consciousness.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Schizophrenia, is Taking Me Home

Any school of thought, philosophy, mental comprehending of the world, is but a tool.
Esoteric, exoteric, all bodies of thought...are a tool.

A tool to know the Truth.

Human design, psychology, physics, are not absolute Truths.
They are tools, to further along one's journey to the ineffable.

Co-incisions of realizations abound, I realized There Were No Words.
There were no words for the Truth. 
There are tools to help you step towards it.
But there are no words for the Truth.
Thought and concepts can only dance around the Truth.

The dao you speak of is not the True Dao.


And the responsibility one has to approach the ineffable, to embrace the living out of your Truth. And thoughts will not be there, at the apex of your Truth. But they will dance around it, and the fire shall be True and it shall burn even into and beyond your death, which is but a continuation of your life, your fire, your Truth.

Human design is my tool to dance around the fire that my mind cannot and should not touch.

I am learning that there is no answer in the intellectual realm. There is an answer in full individuation. For me. To feel that I am the universe, and I am me, and I am constant change.

Transmutation. Me, with my third line conscious and my fifth line unconscious. No wonder I fell deeply in love with the I Ching when I met it. It was one of those moments when I returned home.
In our metaphor of the hexagram as house, between the third and fourth lines can be imagined a spiral staircase. This is the potential to move from the inner process to the outer. The third line personality has the keynote of adaptation. It is this line through its foundation that expresses the complete nature of the lower trigram. It is the finishing of the first floor of the house.

In its blood is the potential, through the fifth line unconscious, to universalize. However, not prepared for the other, it is often naive in its assumptions. The third line personality is a theme of trial and error. Any attempt to universalize out of the subjective is bound to meet resistance.

The third line personality is not rigid like the fourth line. It is not fixed in its nature. It is built to bend, to adapt. When its attempts at universalization fail or are unmasked for their subjectivity in meeting the other, they can adapt. They have a chance to learn from their mistakes. We live in a culture in which mistakes are considered something negative and to be avoided. We are punished for the mistakes we make. In the extreme we are humiliated or even abused. So many human beings who carry third line themes suffer in this life through presumed failure. Mistakes are interpreted as failure. But the theme is trial and error. Through this theme mistakes are not negative but a process that can lead to profound results. It is extremely common in scientific research that a mistake leads to great discovery. Pasteur is a classic example.

And so I revel in mutation. In the transitions within transitions within transitions taking place Now. In the stillness of this space, so much unbridled movement, I revel. 

Here. The year of the serpent and archetypes abound. The year of Secrets revealed and slithering investigation and precaution. The year where skin is shed again and again. A quieter moment of lightning change. Where I place intention in ambition and look to return ever closer to home, in my Self which is the Universe, and a mahogany nap-sack brimming with trial and, yes, success.

 In the form of error.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Integration, Do Re Mi: To Do and Be

And speaking of being.  It’s no longer possible to Do without Being.  Or to Be without Doing.  We can’t spend our lives meditating to feel good.  We must integrate our disparate selves and bring them out into the field of infinite possibilities.  We can’t go out into the world protesting, struggling against evil, incessantly helping others without stopping to take a breathe and connect to our own inner essence.  We are being called to a place where Being and Doing are the same thing.  In this place we find synchronicity and joyful co-creation, because we have moved beyond egoistic achievement and unconscious self sabotage.  It also moves us out of trying to live our ideals, a place that is akin to slavery to old religious or philosophic beliefs.
                                                                            -Kim Gould

All of this takes time, the slippage of sands, the percolation of a solitary oasis that all others have dipped each golden hand in.

The Yin capacity. The open, pulsating, power of vulnerability. of strength, not power. Laid in the darkness of its beginnings for centuries now.

I recognizing the fractal dualities, biverse into biverse into biverse into biverse again and again. I recognize my duality, especially accentuated as I can both manifest and generate. I can both exert Yang and absorb through Yin.

I reorient myself to the Yin, now. This labial flower is a small, smiling seed. . . I have the Yang talons golden and sharpened. I have my beak, ever penetrating out into the world. My raptor eye that rarely ceases to cut through other's armors of the ego. I have all that, wonderous predatory beauty.

And I turn to Yin.

I turn to weakness, fragility, horror, the fetal position and small screams choked and foreign from my foamed mouth.

Because from there divine inspiration will take me in its rapture, sweet and quiet like lips brushed against the small hairs of the face. Small hairs, large sensations. 

And from there I will know true strength. I will know a joy beyond all cognitive conception or sensory perception. I will know joy from such a dark forbidden place with paralyzing fear, fear for the chance of no return. I will know a joy so viscous, thick, slow moving aorund my vessel, that I will gasp in the pain of the greatest surprise. To end with an exhale of a confusion laid to rest.

Perhaps my greatest fear is not the state of Confusion.

Perhaps I am so entirely afraid to Know.

For knowing often has no way of expressing itself.

And then I found Art.


M .A. R

Friday, February 8, 2013

Rainbowarriors Here Doth Come

The God Androgyne: Viracocha

"When the earth is ravaged and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, and who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. They will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow."
                                               -Native American Prophecy

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Synchronicity and the Skin is No Boundary

The Response Field is the term I give to the state of consciousness reached by a generator living out their true nature. In the beginning, as I begun to experiment with waiting and responding and not responding, I made small successes. Every now and again, I would encounter a synchronicity, a moment of magic when the timing of the universe would reveal itself to me without my having done anything. As I continued experimenting with my strategy, synchronicity became more and more commonplace, until now I hardly give it a thought. It seems to me as though a field of energy has softly lowered itself over me until I am living fully within it. This is the Response Field. It is a state of being when you cannot help but move in flow with life. People think there is such a thing as luck. People think there is such a thing as magic. My experience is that there is nothing but luck and nothing but magic. I live within that field now. That doesn't mean I don't suffer and it doesn't mean my life is all plain sailing. It does mean that I don't have to worry about where I am going. The Response Field shoulders all the responsibilities for me. I have just learned how not to initiate.

Thank You.

M .A. R

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Fire of Hope

"It also says something very, very, very special. I know this myself. I have a deep love for my children and I recognize that in every child being born, this is an incredible opportunity that must not be lost, because there are going to be less and less, and each and every one of them needs to be able to live in the world that they are going to live in. A world that will not be rooted in the tribal collective, a world that will not be rooted in the institutions and the concerns of societies, the movement away from the Cross of Planning. The movement into the era of the 59-55, the Sleeping Phoenix, the cycle of the Phoenix, a cycle that is so deeply individual. The 59-55 with the 20/34:                     I am busy now surviving."

 The New Aeon

 Here We Come

My Future is The Synthesis.


Sunday, February 3, 2013

Let My Words Sink, In Like Wine

"Because we live in an emotional environment, everything takes time."

Our learning curve is this life. We ride the emotional wave 'til our death. We are the crest and the crash. The only reward for patience is patience. 

All Things Change, All These Changes

There are things known, 
and unknown,
 and in between is
 the waiting.