I am That Is

Matthias

i am that iS


I am trans. I am not. Human bean. All the beans.
Penis is yoni is penis is yoni, is all the same. It's all the same. Different manifestation of SAME energy, same source.

And yet we believe in the disconnect so hard.
//////////////////////////////////////////

I am so shamed. and so relieved.

There are blocks in my head, they are getting to me.

Talking, taking it out is really helpful. Knowing I am not alone.

The pain takes time, the emotional wave takes YEARS to find resolution.

And the sixth line always becomes the first again, somewhere, always.


(sleepy people be like, "yo do this, yo do that, dont do that etc." but this is the emotional WAVE, this is what runs our species, this is what is in control)

all the "control" we have is awareness and the patience to become more aware. that is all the "control"


I am still so tight, in my right masculine hip. ridin the bike, ridin the dick, going hard.
Such a fag, I'm still trying though, still trying for truth and transparency

TRANSparency

I am gonna learn how to do it once I do the skeleton work.
Gotta find my skeleton key that unlocks the depths of painful sea inside

I want to scroll and run away, indulge in sex, drugs, tv

But here I am, half e HALF t, HALF man half Me.

So tired.

I am so tired.

Of feeling suffocated by the blocks inside of me. The fear of my masculinity, of my response to femininity, my sexuality and just of fraternity.

I am so sad to leave the redwooded trees. It is saddening.

And yet there is nowhere to go but Up from here. I am downtrodden and its time. Im going Up.


Summer time has caught me up. Its the Summer of the Got Down Now to get Up. Of hello Blue Sunshine, of hello Marval Rex, you are who you are. It is more than respect, more than love, and maybe on the other side ill see you on the corner of




strange things
my imagination
might do




M.V.R