Feathers and the Ruffled

In my public writings I try to maintain a certain decorum, a certain statuesque composure. Just as the words stream out of me, full of care and control, in this way I do also walk.

I should even more bluntly state that my public "face" is that of saving; I like to maintain my sense of composure. I resort to tall, statuesque and inwardly absorbed when I am most vulnerable. And it works, at least in my mind it does (and that's what counts right?). But I know those other souls tapped into the universal nectar can sense distress no matter how thick the armor... I very well can. 

Composure.

Love and feelings of lust don't quite float when it comes to a maintenance of composure.

I find myself breaking down again and again when these feeling arise... I feel...like a crab on a beach without my shell.

Funny thing is, I can run a lot faster without my shell. And with as much swiftness I so too can die.
Get plucked up by a gull or stamped upon by a beach-struck child.

And that is a scary assortment of choices for a crab.

However, and perhaps this is what makes me human, I am a kamikaze crab. I am aware of the dangers of shellessness and yet shellessness is where I am to go. Where I desire to go.

I am following the feelings of lust. Because I have foolish courage, and because I know in my naivete that I must do what I am most afraid of.

That is, pursuing my desire. 

I mean that in a eros way, and even an agape way. And I don't mean holey, oh wait, I do. Aha! (So very punny. If you got that you get a point! for attending catholic school or any school.)

Desire. I mean, my drawings, paintings, masturbations, and sideways smiles. I also mean the desire in another's eyes... the sudden dread of realizing how clearly you can see yourself in those two soft shards of glass...

                                         down the rabbit hole of love/ fear

I am delightfully terrified. And equally as blessed.

For my intuition guides me Into and Out Of situations.
And I have quite a high bounce-back rate after being devoured by a seagull.

And, ah, thank you me, I have courage.

Courage.

To follow my fear desire fear desire   fearire.

Woo Woo, thank you Link. If I had to choose one angle of the triforce, I'd choose yours.
....Actually no, I choose Zelda's cos wisdom knows of courage. Regardless.



Courage, Patience, Permission.

[Insert allusion to the benefit of meditating upon these three non-actions here.]

I want to love, deeply and romantically... cos its been a windy path up the mountain and I feel it is about Now that I truly connect on a soaring cliff-face;

for too long I've been cloud-hidden,

whereabouts unknown.

Follow your fears and your greatest frustrations... therein lies your peace. 

LOVE.

M .A. R